China has denied us permission to adopt Nora even though they granted us pre-approval this summer. They have changed their rules regarding family size and have made it retroactive. As a country, they get to make these decisions, I just never thought they would not honor their word.
I just don't know how to break through the wall that is in place right now between my words and my broken heart. I can't even begin to put into words how much this hurts.
This wasn't just a denial regarding a child we only had pictures and paperwork for. This was a denial of a child that we have held and loved. She was in our home. We were told we could adopt her. We have prepared for months to bring her home. I have her favorite dresses. I have a dresser full of clothes. I have her notebooks full of scribbles. I even have pages of scribbles in my prayer journal as she wanted to "help" me write in the notebook she saw me with so often.
I am just trying to keep one foot moving in front of the other. I have many, many precious children that need me - and I treasure them even more now - but it still doesn't replace this precious child of my heart.
I haven't done well with the blog recently anyway, but I am stepping away from it for now. I am sure that God will press me forward again with it but for now I hurt too much. There is no way to escape the pain, so just like with my darling Brooke, I will just have to trust Him to carry me through the darkness.
I will post the link here when her profile is put up on Reece's Rainbow and The Shepherd's Crook. I beg God for another family for her. I know He loves her more than I do. Please pray for this amazing girl. Heaven will be that much sweeter some day because I will finally hold her again.
Here is the link for Reece's Rainbow. http://reecesrainbow.org/118167/nora-2 She would qualify for a $15,000 grant through RR - this would be an amazing gift to a family!
God is always perfect. He is always good. This hurts. This hurts so badly. But it does not change His goodness or perfection - it just points out my lack of it.
Thy Will be done.