Thursday, April 6, 2017


China has denied us permission to adopt Nora even though they granted us pre-approval this summer.  They have changed their rules regarding family size and have made it retroactive.  As a country, they get to make these decisions, I just never thought they would not honor their word.

I just don't know how to break through the wall that is in place right now between my words and my broken heart.  I can't even begin to put into words how much this hurts.

This wasn't just a denial regarding a child we only had pictures and paperwork for.  This was a denial of a child that we have held and loved.  She was in our home.  We were told we could adopt her.  We have prepared for months to bring her home.  I have her favorite dresses.  I have a dresser full of clothes.  I have her notebooks full of scribbles.  I even have pages of scribbles in my prayer journal as she wanted to "help" me write in the notebook she saw me with so often.

I am just trying to keep one foot moving in front of the other.  I have many, many precious children that need me - and I treasure them even more now - but it still doesn't replace this precious child of my heart.

I haven't done well with the blog recently anyway, but I am stepping away from it for now.  I am sure that God will press me forward again with it but for now I hurt too much.  There is no way to escape the pain, so just like with my darling Brooke, I will just have to trust Him to carry me through the darkness.

I will post the link here when her profile is put up on Reece's Rainbow and The Shepherd's Crook.  I beg God for another family for her.  I know He loves her more than I do.   Please pray for this amazing girl.  Heaven will be that much sweeter some day because I will finally hold her again.

Here is the link for Reece's Rainbow.  She would qualify for a $15,000 grant through RR - this would be an amazing gift to a family!  

God is always perfect.  He is always good.  This hurts.  This hurts so badly.  But it does not change His goodness or perfection - it just points out my lack of it.

Thy Will be done.