Friday, September 9, 2016

A few more things....

I just found a huge amount of comments waiting for moderation.  I should get emails when those come and can't quite figure out where the breakdown is - so I am sorry it looked like I was ignoring some questions and comments!  A couple of things to answer:

1)  Bryson.  This sweet, precious treasure is an ache in my heart.  I did follow up with him awhile ago and read more of his information.  In the country he is at, the "file" of each child is only assigned to an agency for a 2 month period.  Unless an agency is willing to transfer the file to another agency (which I have found in my experience to be rare), the agency holding the file is the only one able to facilitate the adoption.  I believe his file has now gone back and has either been reassigned to another agency or is just in the "pool" of unassigned cases.  An agency, with identifying information, should be able to get that file is it unassigned.  His file does look very bleak. I have seen many of these kiddos saved just in time (obviously by God's grace) by a family - but I have also seen these babies go home to Christ before their families can get there (still God's grace, but not what we would choose).  I will be honest, we have prayed and talked for many hours about whether we were to try to go get him.  My heart aches to do that.  But we both feel that it is not what God is allowing us to do.  For now, He has set us in China, with bringing Nora home.  That hurts.  It hurts, but one of the hardest things of this orphan journey is trusting that God loves Bryson more than I do and that He does have a plan - even if it is not what I would want.  His file has been taken down from Reece's Rainbow.  The files from Bulgaria never stay long because they are only with an agency for so short a period of time.  If someone was interested in finding who has his file now, I could help with that.  Please leave me a comment (that I will not publish) and I can try to help.  I cannot thank you enough for those who are praying for him.  The hard truth is that we would not necessarily know if Jesus had called him home yet or not.  :(

2)  Serenity and school.  Ugh, what a mess right now.  Serenity was supposed to start school on Sept 1st.  When I last met with everyone in June, it seemed a solid plan was in place.  I started emailing two weeks before school was supposed to start and did not get a response to repeated messages.  I then start calling - feeling badly because I know how crazy busy they all must be with school starting , but I needed to know about her status.  To make a long story short, the head nurse finally called the day before she was supposed to start and they had never gotten her paperwork or referral for a para educator (someone who is with her the entire time she is there who is trained with a trach).  Then began a series of phone calls with many different people, each with different information.  "We are training tomorrow, she can come."...."Oh, wait, no.  I guess the training is scheduled for the 12th, 13th, 14th - so she should be able to come the 15th."  The newest phone call is that the training is still not scheduled, but they are trying.  I know they are all so busy - I have compassion for that - but my mama's heart is afraid that something is going to be missed that she needs because we can't even get clear communication on a training date. :(  This is making my already nervous heart beat even faster.  We are using Serenity as the trailblazer for the school system for some of our other kiddos, like Jesse - and this is not boding well.  We are praying for wisdom and assurance that this is still the right path.  Yes, I do know that the school district is REQUIRED to provide these things - but we are not going to force our "rights" and put her in danger because they are not ready for her yet.  Not an easy place to be in.

Jillian, Nora, Donald, and Serenity (with Jeremy in the background)

3) Brooke.  My sweet baby.  Yes, the one year point of her passing is coming.  The 28th.  It still makes my heart feel like it stops to think about it.  In a way, part of my heart did stop beating that day.  I feel sick thinking about waking up to Sept 28th this year.  But I also had to remind myself that I didn't think I would live through the first 28th....and I did.  I will make it through another 9/28 this year....and next...and the next - until the Lord calls me home.  I still have not gone back to her grave.  Partly because I know she is not there.  Partly because there is a feeling of fear for the dam breaking and the tears never stopping.  Life is SO busy.  Every moment is full.  I have deliberately tell myself that it is okay to stop for a cup of coffee because life starts before 5 am (sometimes WAY before 5 am) and doesn't stop until 10:30 pm or later.  I do a lot of sitting and feeding babies (two g-tubes, two that cannot feed themselves, and one nurser still) but I am still doing something, I am always on-call.  Someday there will be a time for tears - a few days ago, I asked the Lord if it was time yet - and it isn't.  I know He will sustain me until that day - and when it comes, it will be necessary - but it is not here yet.  That's okay.  I am even trusting Him for the tears.  I would so appreciate your prayers as that day creeps closer.  One part of the day is mourning - the other part is realizing that one of my children has made it to eternity with Christ - which is my hope for all my children.  I was just not ready to let go yet.  So many dreams that did not have time to come true....

Until He comes....


  1. It is one more year closer until you see Brooke again!

    1. That is a wonderful perspective, Christine. I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you, that is a gift this morning. :)