I have been avoiding the blog a bit - but then I feel badly as I see how many people keep checking back to see if I have posted again.
Honestly, this blog was not my idea. I am a very, very private person - my family was floored that I began a blog. It was truly the Spirit pressing upon me that I was to share our journey. That I was to be the voice for the voiceless even though I did not want to be heard or seen or critiqued. But through it, I have "met" some wonderful friends - people with hearts like my own. People doing things because He asked - not for their own gain, desires, or fame.
Anyway, through Brooke's passing, I have wanted to hide away. I didn't want to read another nasty troll comment or deal with someone else's opinion of what we should do or have not done - based on not a scrap of information - just their own self-righteous feelings. Yes, I can see what site people have come to ours from - I know that we get a lot of "hits" from people purposely out to criticize large, Christian, adoptive families - yes, it is that specific. I have gone to those pages just to see what is being said - and it is a bunch of foolishness. Criticism without knowledge. And even more foolish - criticism without offering any alternative besides "it isn't our job to save these kids" or more honestly, "let them die". And most of the time no alternative is offered - just criticism. I have said it before and I will repeat it again. A few of these people may be very clever and witty in their criticism. But clever does not equal wise. These people rage against the children of God - I do not have to defend myself. He says that retribution is His job, not mine. I can leave it in His Hands. I am sure some of you are even reading this paragraph now...I have nothing but true sorrow for you. You deny Him and someday, when it is too late for you to still seek Him, He will deny you. My prayer is always that you will seek Him. That you will become children of almighty God. He may not ask you to adopt or have a large family - He may call you to prison ministry, to the homeless, to another country, or to simply, but completely serve those you see everyday. But this will all come from a completely new heart. When you are saved, He tells us that He brings our hearts of stone to life. We change from death to life. One day - when you least expect it - He will either come or you will die. You will stand before Him and will be condemned...not just for your nastiness against us, that truly is nothing - but for every lie, every evil thought, every thought that did not honor Him as God. We all stand condemned - there is nothing we could possibly do to erase the tiniest bit of our sin. James 2:10 says that whoever keeps the whole law, yet breaks it at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. Cleverness and wit will not save us from a holy God. Only the salvation offered through His Son, Jesus Christ. Only His death on our behalf.
The days have been full. I still wish some moments that I could find a quiet moment to cry my heart out for my baby girl - but I am also thankful that I cannot. I need to be with my children, I need to be with my husband, I need to be managing my home. I need to remember that Brookie is not suffering, she is not lonely - she is with Christ! One of my children is home forever - exactly where she should be. I pray fervently that each of my precious children will be ready on the day that He calls them home. This is my greatest prayer.
We are coming up on two years that Hope and Serenity have been home. As always, I wish that Hope was farther along....but she is moving at her own pace. There have been changes and growth - I just long for her to dance and sing and play with others. Again, I need to still my heart to just rejoice that she is safe. I will post more as we hit that mark in December.
Serenity is still struggling with wanting to be a toddler, not a six year old. Some of my older kids help with the kids' classrooms on Thursday morning at our church while the moms are in a Bible study. This morning, Serenity went as well. It will give her some "classroom" time on a limited, protected basis. We keep trying to find ways to help her be a "big" girl. Potty training has been a complete failure so far - but I know it is a battle that we have win. There is no reason she should not be able to learn with patience and a working timer. We will just keep working at it...in 30 minute increments. ;-)
I am out of time this morning...but will try to update more very soon.
Please pray for little Chelzey - still needing a family. She most likely has AMC. She is the most beautiful, amazing girl...
Until He comes....