Monday, June 8, 2015

Kick back....

I knew it would come, but I am disappointed nonetheless.  Hope is now kicking back at the progress that we have made and refusing to eat "regular" food and drink from her cup.  I knew some kind of kickback would happen - but I think I was hoping it would be in some other area.

The good news is that now I know she can do it.  Before, there was always a lingering doubt - was I pushing too much?  What if she can't do this?  Should I push her?  Now I know.....but still don't know quite what to do about it....contrary to what you might think, you cannot force someone to eat or drink.  And if that person is as determined as Hope, "waiting" it out won't work either.

I would so appreciate your prayers for wisdom and for patience to stay consistent.

Until He comes...


  1. :-( I know how hard that is... Praying you will see progress again soon!

  2. If it were me - and it's not - I'd just make the food available on her tray and let her try as she wants. You're doing a great job, Mama! You provide the nutrition she needs to stay healthy and Little Miss is okay. It does seem to be a "power" thing. She's had so little power in her life and she's trying her new wings and is learning that she IS allowed to have choices. I wouldn't react or respond to her when she she chooses to not feed herself. In fact, I wouldn't praise her when she does. Make it a "normal" part of life. Just as you provide meals for your other children, as a normal function in family life, she will see that it's just what happens regularly.

    I struggled with Anorexia Nervosa for many years and I can tell you how the power struggles somehow empowered me and caused me to stay stuck in the unhealthy behaviors.

    As long as she's getting nutrition and liquids from you to keep her thriving, I just wouldn't focus on the behaviors that she displays when offered other/extra food/snacks, etc. She is a smart girl! When she realizes that you don't give extra attention to your other children for eating, she'll hopefully see that it's not worth the fight. Know that I will be praying for her relationship with the normal aspects of living in a family.

    1. Hello, Jo! Before Hope came, I would have agreed 100%! In fact, that is still what I would do with any other child of mine - it is exactly the counsel I would give. However, Hope's desire to control is breathtaking AND she has learned to live on very, very little food. I am absolutely convinced that she would choose to refuse to eat to the point of being comatose/unresponsive. I know that is difficult to believe and I would have scoffed a bit at a parent saying that before Hope - and honestly, I still might scoff if the child was not from such an abused/starved situation.

      I know that my choice will be to "force" feed her (in that we just continue with what we are doing, slowly but surely putting food in her mouth - no punishments - just consistency) or we will have to get her an NG or G-tube. Although that would end the battle and I could make her healthy and strong - I think in the long term, it would be a devastating loss for her development emotionally and cognitively.

      If I don't push her, she will not drink or eat. Period. Hard to believe, but true. She still is spoon fed by me - she will not pick up any food or utensil. She will on rare occasions, pick up her own cup to drink - but not often. It is really, really sad. I have tried putting food or her cup in front of her (knowing she is hungry) and walking away or working in the kitchen by her. An hour later, she still had not picked anything up - and then fought me even harder when I tried to feed her.

      You are right, we do not give her "extra" attention - either positive or negative - because it just ups the stakes in the battle. I am just "blank" as I feed her - but it is still a struggle.

      I am always so happy to get any and all input! I know there is always a new idea or a different point of view - so please keep it coming, my friend!

  3. I so, so wish that I lived near you! I'd love to be there to help and support you. Know that you are loved, by Jesus and me! Hugs to you ~ Jo