Monday, October 15, 2012


This was a letter written in response to my post "Flames" - I didn't want it to be lost in the comments, so I am reprinting it, along with  my response here...

I came to this post from Susanna's blog, and am so glad I did. Well, glad in the big picture; I am still really heart-raw at the moment, struggling with my own sinfulness and begging God to please grow me. . . and yet not wanting to grow too much, too far, too scarily. I feel led to share what I wrote in response to your post--it might be helpful to someone else also struggling, or maybe you would like to see the powerful effect of your imagery played out in my heart.


Dear Blessed ~

Your honesty and openness is a blessing to me! Your struggles and feelings describe exactly the path that we have walked before plunging "headlong into the depths of the terror" - what an exact description!

Honestly, my husband and I know that without God first giving us a biological child with severe special needs, we never would have made that plunge - no matter how long and hard we talked about it! Our "talking" about it before our daughter was born helped us through shock (we didn't know she would have SN until she was born)- but we couldn't have taken that plunge without His Hand leading - even pushing us! - off the cliff.

Please know that this is truly an area that God prepares the ones He has called - NOT that He calls those that are prepared! Don't see too much greatness in those who are doing this - only see the greatness of our Father! He asks, we jump - THEN He catches us in His grace. If He has not asked you to jump - don't search for the courage to do it - you probably will not find it! He gives us the ability to do what He has called us to do - not the ability to do what He has called others to. (I could not live in Paupa New Guinea with my best friend as a missionary! Unless He called us to...) You are glorifying Him and supporting the fatherless through your prayers and in asking others to pray. How thankful I am for that!

Another thought, He does engrave very specific children on our hearts - to the point that their needs do not seem to matter as much as getting them into our arms. Again, this is His grace guiding us and strengthening us. I have been just as guilty of mentally setting a child "aside" - if you read my post "I Know What Breaks God's's Me." You will see God's chastening of my heart for thinking that.

The other thing He burnt into my heart is that I - ME -I am the one with that horrifying diagnosis. Without God's grace, I would be the one calling for the crucifying of the Savior - I had spurned Him, spit on Him, and driven the nails into His Hands! Yet, He chose in His grace to adopt me as His child - the one who would have killed Him in my sin. How can I do any less for a child - IF He asked me to? I am thankful -truly relieved! - and thankful He has not asked me to embrace a child with RAD, etc - yet.

But in a touch of irony, one of the things I had claimed that I could not do is parent a child with autism. Guess what? One of my children is on the autism spectrum...we did not even suspect this at the time he joined our family. God knew I would fail completely to leap off that He gave him to me first and then revealed that.

You are on the right are asking God to soften your heart to whatever He is asking you. Trust Him to do that - in His time and in the direction He would have you go. It may or may not be adoption - but you are glorifying Him with your prayers and willingness.

May God richly bless you! To Him be all glory, honor, and praise!
I have to add Penny's beautiful picture here....she is still in that burning building....

1 comment:

  1. Your response was so so helpful to me! Thank you so much for sharing it with your readers (as well as mine)--may the Lord use it for His good heart purpose!