Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Another precious little one....and more about us.

I have to share another little face that fills my prayers along with Grace, Tommy, and Serenity....this is Anita.  She is about to turn 4 - I truly love that little face.  Sweet Jesus, please bless her with a family quickly!

The Boss has a fever today and just wants to snuggle, so I thought this would be a good day to continue our story...

During our trip to Seaside, OR., Handsome told me he was now ready to pursue foster-adoption.  I was so excited, I didn't want to finish our trip to the beach...I wanted to go home and get started!  I was to quickly learn that nothing happens according to my plans - I should have known that already!  We took the foster care training classes in September, October, and November.  Our home study was finally ready in February - this was not going fast enough for me!!!  We had decided to pursue a placement of a drug-affected baby.  Unbeknownst to us at the time, we were attending training classes for a baby on the very day our daughter was born!  However, while at the training, we were told that another baby wouldn't be ready for a home for at least six weeks!  Six weeks?  Would the wait never end?

I went right home and made a huge "to-do" list.  I was going to keep busy so I wouldn't be overcome with despair!  A week later, our social worker called - she had a baby for us.  I was in shock - so much so, I couldn't even clearly talk to my husband on the phone.  God had brought us a treasure.

Much of her story needs to remain private, but our Testy Chef was nothing like what we had expected and planned for.  She was (and still is) breath-takingly beautiful.  However, she screamed all the time.  All the time.....like Handsome and I had to take turns sleeping at night!  But nothing went quickly or easily with her adoption.  It took a little over three years to finally adopt her.  Testy Chef's story is filled with God's faithfulness, tears, and so many amazing things that God did in saving her - but it is a story she will need to tell by herself some day. :)

About a week after Testy Chef was placed with us, I found out I was pregnant.  WOW - I couldn't wrap my heart around it!  I was so excited - now we would have two babies when just a week earlier, I sat sobbing in an empty nursery, wondering if God would ever make me a mommy.  Soon though, I became completely overwhelmed.  I was sick most of the day and Testy Chef screamed all of the day - how was I ever to take care of two babies?  I would have dreams of trying to take care of them both, but always failing.....Did God really know what He was doing?

At almost 13 weeks, I miscarried.  I can still see the ultrasound with that tiny baby; a baby not moving.  How could God have answered my prayers and then taken the treasure away?  I was quick to question every thing that God did that was not something I could understand.  How my heart was broken and in despair.

According to God's perfect plans though - despite my lack of faith and trust - our son, The Warrior was born when Testy Chef was 17 months old.  Now I had a spitfire toddler and a baby to take care of...life was very busy.....

The Helper was born 20 months later....now life was very full and we were ready for a bigger house to fit them all.  God had been blessing Handsome's business and we were searching for bigger and better.  I spent a lot of time being discontent with the home God had already given us.  I very much believed if we just had a couple more things -that seemed truly necessary at the time - that I would be able to settle in and be a "good", content mommy.  I was still trying to fit in all of "my" pursuits with being a mom and not doing well on any of it...but how I LOVED being a mom.  I loved each of my children so much it hurt.

We eventually found our "dream" house.  It was old and looked very much like a big box, but it was almost 5000 sq ft!  We thought that now we could settle in and be happy.  Many of you who are more mature in your faith than we were at the time, know already that happiness cannot be found in temporal things - only in our Savior.  How I wish we understood that, then!  I set about making our house simply "perfect" - moving from one project to the next without keeping the house clean and focusing on my kids.  I was frustrated that nothing was getting done and looking like I wanted it to. 

We quickly learned some of the drawbacks of a large house.  Everything costs more - from heat to water to paint to landscaping.  Everything takes longer, from cleaning to organizing to maintenance.  We would end up so frustrated all the time. 

It was very cold those first two winters, so we began to look into replacing the windows, hoping that would help.  We had an estimate done.  Because the house had so many windows and the windows were so big, the estimate was $20,000.  We decided that even though we didn't like debt, we would take out a loan.  Our policy was to pray about thing at least overnight before making a decision, so we told the sales rep that we would get back to him.  A little later my mom dropped off a Christian magazine that had been given to her.  She had no idea how God would use that magazine to turn our lives upside down.....

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